Self-Destructives... God Help Ye

I do not understand stubborn people.

I should be more precise.

I do not understand stubborn people who are not open to things like logic, what other people have to say to them, or to even observation of cause-and-effect outcomes. -Who never stop and think, "This isn't working for me."

Is that because maybe, to their view, it is working...for them? Like, maybe it's not working the best, but, in their mind, the alternative-- which would involve a change, for them --is far less desirable? Or do they just feel that trying to change whatever it is, is not possible, under their own power?

I know that there are several things that I would change, either about myself, or in the way I "do" one or another part of my life, but for the "Efforts Are Fruitless Here" feeling. (Well, less so about myself than about my life.)

But maybe all that is, is a lack of imagination and creativity?

When I am really motivated to find a work-around to a problem with a "thing," or perhaps an event, I usually can find one. Usually by thinking creatively, in ways that other people don't bother to entertain, or are unwilling to try that hard to.

But when the problem gets closer to "me" and my life, I can admit it suddenly becomes as if I'd had a frontal lobotomy...the motivation ceases, I almost actively avoid thinking deeply or creatively (at length, you could say, in general) about possible work-arounds or solutions, and I tend to give up.

The reason I'm examining myself, here, and that psychological phenomenon of being stuck in the rut of one's self and why that's so hard to focus on in order to work to get out of,
is because I'm desperately fighting to understand what's going on (or isn't) in the mind of someone I work closely with, every day, who is exhibiting the worst case of Self-Dug Rut I have possibly ever seen, and who is probably tanking, because of it.

And I do mean "tanking" as in "going to lose one's job."


The person in question [henceforward: "PIQ"] has a lot of issues NOT going for them: A horribly entrenched penchant for passive-aggression; low self-confidence; a corrosive outer demeanor toward "inferiors" when angry or feeling a lack of regard for them; a phony, giggly, smiley, people-pleasing outer façade toward "superiors" and/or when feeling anxious, caught, cornered, or potentially endangered (even by an "in"ferior)...
Oh, and: They lie a lot.

PIQ has their moments of seeming to be in touch with reality--as in, the reality of PIQ's situation & predicament--but then, for whatever reasons, PIQ just gives up on trying to change anything or "be better" even more, as if saying to those who have PIQ's [work] fate in their hands, "Just shoot me, already. I give up."

I don't understand it at all, because PIQ acts like losing their job is HUUUGE to them. My feeling is that a lot of PIQ's ego is based upon their job. I've seen PIQ's reaction after they've been called on the carpet, and it's apparent.

I guess I've just never understood, because whenever I've come face to face with a huge need to adapt myself, personally, in a way that would take a lot of work, for me, I've either really concentrated on making it work, and keeping it that way...or, quickly realized that it was not a survivable environment for me (or that trying to do so would be injurious to my health), and made my way, swiftly, elsewhere.

Isn't that kind of the way nature works, too? With animal species? Adapt, or live elsewhere (migrate/relocate)?

I don't know...it's just hard to watch this person self-destruct. The time for learning some more about themself and correcting or healing some of these things was years ago. This is not a spring chicken, I'm talking about. But still young enough to do it now (some personal growth), if they chose to.

Perhaps I don't understand what makes changing or seeking help/input to change
a.) too hard; b.) seem undesirable; c.) unobvious; d.) too humiliating [-or at least, more humiliating than getting canned for current habits]; or e.) appear not to be worthwhile.

I've thought before, "Perhaps PIQ's just, internally, self-satisfied."

If that truly is the case, what would make a self-satisfied person take abuse after abuse after abuse [in the form of reprimands, callings-on-carpet, stern talkings-to, etc.] from the powers-that-be at their workplace? Aren't people like that supposed to get up in a huff and say "I don't need this, you can shove it" and walk out, nose in the air, head high?

Perhaps...PIQ just really needs the job.
But it's hard to imagine PIQ needs the job that badly.

[I know PIQ has other means, for instance. Maybe not enough, but other means, regardless.)


Wow....
Anyway, it's just really hard to watch. Despite what I wish, sometimes, I'm an empathetic person to a fault. I've been mistreated by PIQ, too--in really obnoxious, sometimes abusive ways. And yet, I'm still torn between the feelings of "Guys, just [can PIQ and] get it over with...none of us can stand waiting any longer" and "Geeeez, this [PIQ's suffering and yet continuing in their ways] is really hard to watch...it's like watching an animal who doesn't know any better suffer; it's not pleasant, so let's put them down swiftly & do what needs to be done so they don't suffer any longer, and so that we don't have to suffer watching it, either."

Yes, despite all the stupidity, I feel for PIQ. I'm pretty sure PIQ doesn't know the first place to start, to look really honestly within and change themself, or admit [to a professional] that they need help. And I think PIQ's too scared to. [In an angry, haughty, false-noted self-satisfaction sort of way.]

*In case anyone reads and responds or thinks this- I have indeed "tried to 'be one of those people' for PIQ," several times in the past--you know, be a person who tries to gently tell the person what they need to be told, or to reach them, in some way--and I've reaped for it: Abuse.
And, as unfolding events testify, it has not done a bit to seriously impact PIQ.
So: Abuse for me, Not A Help for them. -Done with that.


For thoughts & insight on the brain-based nature of some of these behaviors, Dr. Daniel Amen [author of "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life"] has information about a part of the brain possibly related to this- the cingulate gyrus -on this page on his website.